I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
A+ Viking dick
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