Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
