she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
