so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
