the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
