I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize