Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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