ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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