i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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