I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
