I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
