so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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