So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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