that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
