God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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