Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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