Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
