But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
