So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
