remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
