I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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