end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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