someone get that fucking seahorse.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
