I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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