im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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