I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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