Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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