I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He passed out mid-signature
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
