I feel like abortions should bother me more
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
