I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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