Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
