After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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