last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
