That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
