This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
