Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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