ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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