I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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