I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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