I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
