hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
