She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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