somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
