like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He shit in the fireplace
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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