I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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