please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
