someone owes me an orgasm
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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