Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
