five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
