never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
