Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
