somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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